Why DJ Khaled should win the 2016 Republican candidate race

Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Jeb Bush; this is not a line up for America’s dumbest man, these are some of the front runners for the race to become the Republican Presidential nominee for the 2016 election. This is scary enough, but what is more scary is that the visionary, motivational speaker, we the best music mogul, and Jabba the Hutt impersonator DJ Khaled has not been considered for this race. Let’s look at the facts.

DJ Khaled

(Photo: MTV)



He Smart

Jeb Bush is related to George W Bush, so one can assume he has little in terms of brains; Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon who still believes in the creationist story, which to me makes no sense; and Donald Trump thinks that Muslim’s should banned from America, which is possibly the most stupid and dangerous idea since the Final Solution. With DJ Khaled on the other hand, there is clear evidence that he is smart, he is very smart, matter of fact he is a genius. I mean he probably knows he is a joke, but makes millions from it, if I don’t know what’s smart I don’t know what is. Besides, the video to Hold You Down is Thriller for our generation.

He can attract the female vote

Republicans; they don’t really understand feminism do they. Trump probably still thinks Women are those things which only belong in the Kitchen and Bedroom while the rest of the nominees are against the right of abortion because of some book which was written 2000 years ago. Khaled understands women, just look at the video for Hold You Down, he is clearly empowering women with money to buy them a house, to buy their mum a house and to spend some money for no reason. And then there is How Many Times, where Khaled clearly tells the girl not to play herself, what a gent. And then look at his body, I mean eye candy or what. Probably half the women in America will vote for him solely on sex appeal.


(Photo: Complex)

He can get the minority vote without upsetting the deep south nutters

If you listen to any American Conservative commentators like Rush Limbaugh, they really, really hate success of people who aren’t white. Limbaugh himself called the election of Obama a result of “affirmative action“. But knowing that even the Republican realise that not everyone in America is white, as much as they would like to think otherwise, there is a need to gain votes from ethnic minorities.

At the moment they have Ben Carson, however you could imagine that deep south rednecks won’t be happy having a “negro” in charge of their political party. The fact that Khaled is a minority which wasn’t enslaved for hundreds of years and the redneck power complex isn’t (yet) completely focused on his ethnicity, he may confuse them long enough to get a high vote in the election. I admit this point was a stretch, but when on average historically 85% of African-Americans have voted for a Democrat president per election, The Republicans need all the help they can get in this area.

He appeals to youth

Khaled and friends are what the Republicans, actually a lot more people than just Republicans see as everything wrong with culture which appeals to youth more than it does to middle-aged ultraconservatives in Washington. But maybe that’s the point, Khaled could engage with the youth and get the vote up. He could get Kanye on his rallies and put Chris Brown as his Attorney General. Although I am half seriously interested in how Kanye 2020 will go, there will surely be some young Americans with no idea about politics who would vote for Khaled because they know and like Khaled’s music.

He wants to be your inspiration

He started from the bottom, now he’s here. As much as he is an absolute joke, a misogynist and probably a bit of a bastard, Khaled is a clear example of the American dream. Born in New Orleans, and originally only taking up work at a local recording store, Khaled has achieved the aims of the type of Individualism within America which has kept their society being so severely screwed up since its inception. Any spin doctor worth half his pay check would be able to easily spin this into a strong electoral message. Compared to Trump and Bush in particular Khaled will appear a working class hero, and that was a sentence I never thought I would ever type.


So, he has the X factor sensationalist story, he fits into the American politics rhetoric that money is the most important thing in the world, he can appeal to a cross section of people and most importantly he so smart, matter of fact he is a genius, throw your hat into the ring Khaled, you can’t be worse than what’s already on offer?

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