Rudrum 2017: An Alternative Manifesto?

Today begins the cycle where the political parties finally reveal what they will do in government, and give us a true reflection of what government or party they want to be. This is the week where policy positions become known and we find out all the promises which will be inevitably be broken. For someone as nerdy about policy about me it is a week where I will read an awful lot and will over-analyse all the manifestos and write blogs on them. But before the circus which bores anybody who is not me starts, it is time to get an alternative manifesto, from a leader which Britain doesn’t need, but the one it deserves. It’s the Rudrum Ramblings Manifesto. Let’s start with the most irritating subject in the universe.

Brexit

Now us (me) here in Rudrum Ramblings, as every political party claims to do, respects the will of the people to leave the European Union. However We (I) at Rudrum Ramblings do not accept that out of the 51.8% of the population who voted to leave that there was not at least a 1.9% who voted to leave the EU but wanted to remain in the single market. We (I) also see a WTO style leave to be a major setback in every way for the country, as we would be now forced to spend years renegotiating trade deals with less power than before due to not being a member of a major trade block, leaving the country with weaker trade deals, and in the knowledge of history that economic isolationism always ends in financial ruin.

Therefore the Rudrum Ramblings will seek to stay in the Single Market or as close to the single market and customs market as possible with the one condition of the freedom of movement of people to be rephrased as freedom of movement of labour, thus going back to the routes of the European project. On the subject of immigration, we would also reverse the decision of Theresa May to include foreign students in the immigration figures, something which has exaggerated the level of net migration. Once our (my) Brexit policy is in place, the people will realise in this damage limitation form of the strategy what a pointless ordeal leaving was, and hostility towards Europe will subside.

Drug Policy and Policing

Not many Political Parties put drug policy near the top of their manifesto, but Rudrum Ramblings is different. Having studied Drug Policy, at particular length, including writing a dissertation on it, Rudrum Ramblings understands that Drug Policy interacts with Economic Policy, Police and Crime, Health, Tax and even Education. Currently, Britain currently spends £3 Billion each year fighting drug trafficking directly. This does not even intersect the amount of police money, time and effort spent on raids, dealing with low level drug offenses and offenders. Current UK Drug Policy, through low level drug offenders also rises crime unnecessarily, stigmatises users, and undermines rehabilitation of addictions, and that is without even mentioning that the current drug classification system has no correspondence to the comparative harm of each drug. Drug Education is also currently geared towards scare tactics rather than facts, which delegitimises the arguments and makes Drug Education less trustworthy than Alcohol or Tobacco education for example. And then there is the fact that medically advantageous drugs, in particular cannabis, are illegal to sell even for medicinal use. Rudrum Ramblings would firstly decriminalise drugs as Portugal did back in 2000, ending the thousands of police hours wasted on petty drug crime, and helping pile efforts from the money saved and the safety of legal use to help protect heroin users for example against the chances of infecting Hepatitis for example, and to rehabilitate addicts, as well as redistributing funds to other resources to help employ more police officers and reinstating legal aid  for example. Decriminalisation can also protect drug users from knock off drugs and so called “legal highs” which have flooded the market due to the lack of regulation which comes with drug prohibition, for example police forces will be free to work with clubs more to identify knock off and potentially dangerous substances. Rudrum Ramblings will also call for the legalisation of medicinal cannabis in a regulated market immediately for 5 years, which will pave the way to create the infrastructure for a heavily regulated legal cannabis market for both medicinal and recreational purposes. From the example of Colorado, which produced so much money through taxing its cannabis market that it ended up giving tax back to its residents, this market will created a great source of revenue for the government, and this money will go straight into helping fund the NHS, mental health and social care. A Rudrum administration will also legalise nitrous oxide, a drug with relatively little harm attached compared to most and also consider the legal standing over other recreational drugs with low addition rates in the future. In terms of education, with the knowledge that the current figures of recreational drug use around young adults that is inevitable that many will do drugs in their life, the aim of drug education will be to simply educate students of the effects and the risks of drugs, rather than teaching the worst case scenario.

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In terms of more crime ideas, fox hunting will remain banned as its for silly upper class people with too much time on their hands; freedom of speech laws will be more readily protected (even if people say disgusting things they should only be prosecuted for it if what they say equates to a threat); the snoopers charter shall be reversed and the European Court of Human Rights will be continued to be protected under our unmodified constitution. There will also be a recruitment drive to help the police deal with cyber attacks in particular.

The Economy and Tax

I think everyone reading this will be aware that over the last 40 years the richest 1% have got proportionately richer rather than the rest of the population have got  proportionately poorer. To add to this there is a lack of funding for effectively every area of governance and the economy in generally. To deal with this Rudrum Ramblings will start with Tax. Firstly, 2p will be added to income tax, while Corporation Tax will be raised to 22% to be in line with everybody else’s tax incomes. To add, Rudrum Ramblings would raise the highest rate of tax back to 50% for those earning 6 figure salaries (instead of £80,000 upwards), will introduce a bonus tax which will correspond at the same rate of income tax at every level (ie anything bonus less than £12,000 is free, everything from £12,000 – £100,000 is 22% tax and anything £100,000 upwards is 50%) Rudrum Ramblings will also reverse the Bedroom Tax, changes to inheritance tax and will also introduce a high tax on battery farming goods. In terms of the economy, Rudrum Ramblings will firstly raise the minimum wage for 16 – 25 year olds to be equal to the rest of adult workers. More importantly, Rudrum Ramblings will ban zero hour contracts for full time staff, but remain its legality for part time and student work, and take a world lead in tax avoidance by closing tax loopholes in British overseas territories.

More ambitiously, Rudrum Ramblings will incentivise small and big businesses to raise the wages of its workers by offering grants to help bring up the average pay of employees, this should in turn raise productivity with a happier workforce and therefore create more wealth and in turn bring more money back into the economy. Businesses will also find more government support in return to significantly reducing their carbon footprint. More regulation will also be introduced to properly scrutinise the financial and business sectors and make sure that they are making decisions which do not lead to a long term public loss in return to short term gain. Rudrum Ramblings also endorses the Conservative, former Ed Miliband policy of a cap on energy bills. In terms the renationalisation, I believe the Labout policy on the railways and the Royal Mail is spot on, and that with the railways in particular, a system closer to the running of the ultra reliable continental services, the better. In my opinion the German system of running an economy, and indeed a country, is the most effective in the world, and in doing so, a Rudrum Ramblings government would encourage British businesses to be structured more like German businesses, this includes encouraging and making it easier for independent trade unions to buy 25% of a business, to give the average worker a greater say in how a business is run. Some may say this is a mad socialist dream, but this is how Volkswagen in run, and VW is one of the most successful businesses in the world.

Defence and Foreign Policy

The Rudrum approach to defence recognises that a nuclear deterrent is needed partly to the fact that it protects Britain’s standing in the world and that in the current climate having no nuclear deterrent is unelectable. However, we don’t need as many nuclear weapons as we do now and certainly the price of replacing Trident could be used much better on funding other programs such as conventional weapons, supporting the economy and welfare or education for example. Therefore Rudrum Ramblings would seek to replace only two of the submarines of the current Trident system, and also buying from America rather than designing our own more expensively. Halving of weapons would save £5 billion over a parliament, taking two submarines out of operation now would save roughly £600 million, and not having to pay for the R&D for nuclear weapons would likely double the savings made on trident. £2 Billion of the budget saved will go on conventional weapons, including supporting the army, while another £2 Billion would go on building up cyber defences.

In terms of foreign policy, The Rudum policy on refugees will mirror the Liberal Democrats, promise to take in £10,000 a year for the next 5 years. We will cease to trade arms with Saudi Arabia and other nations which use our arms to cause huge suffering on innocents. Having said that, in recognising that China is becoming the world’s dominant superpower, we will attempt to have closer links to them, as well as establishing closer links the other emerging economies such as Brazil. A Rudrum government will also only support military intervention if there is a clear plan and endgame at the end of the intervention, and above all else, Britain will support closer international cooperation in both military and in the attempt to tackle international tax dodging, fraud and crime. Finally, our policy on the Trump administration will be to keep within a friendly distance without jumping into bed with it like Theresa May has done, and that we should not be afraid to criticise an ally for some controversial policies.

Housing and Benefits

In terms of Housing, Rudrum Ramblings understands the biggest issue is supporter 1st time buyers. That’s why Rudrum Ramblings proposes subsidising construction companies to then build affordable housing, recognising that the reason construction companies don’t do so now is because there isn’t money to be earned in it. Rudrum Ramblings will also place restrictions on 2nd home buyers and landlords, to make it harder for those who are simply just buying to rent out harder to rip people up, drive up the housing market and make a profit. Rudrum Ramblings will keep the current coalition government scheme of help to buy.

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What the Daily Mail Thinks is going on

In terms on benefits, Rudrum Ramblings will reverse the cuts to Disability benefit, and change the way people on disability are assessed compared to the inhuman way they are assessed currently. We will also allow for  anybody at taxpaying age to have the right to a housing benefit safety net in order to fight homelessness, will reverse cuts to tax credit, which effects low paid workers more than anyone else, and to not stop Child Benefit after a certain amount of children in one family, and rather have a sliding scale where the amount extra you get in child benefit decreases with each child. Rudrum Ramblings will also get of the triple lock for those who have pensions totaling £100,000 a year or more, and will take away free bus passes to the same demographic as well, but will protect the majority of pensioners. Unfortunately Rudrum Ramblings does conclude that the rise of the retirement age is necessary to keep expenditure down and to invest in other areas.

Education

First things first, tuition fees. I am for the scrapping of tuition fees and the reintroduction of grants to help support poorer students BUT I also believe that to maintain some of the best universities in the world, there needs to be some extra income rather than just government funding. Because of this, Rudrum Ramblings proposes scrapping tuition fees and replacing it with a Graduate Tax equaling a 2% charge on earnings over £25,000, 4% on earnings over £50,000 and 8% on earnings over £100,000. This system would not saddle people with years in debt, creating economic uncertainty and poor credit ratings, but will still create the revenue needed to maintain a successful university system. The Government will also invest extra money into university and science to cover the cost of the money lost by EU investment. Rudrum Ramblings will also put in legislation which demands that degrees in business and economics must offer a mandatory first year module in ethics.

In terms of Primary and Secondary education Rudrum Ramblings fully endorses charging VAT on Private Schools, unless they actually are charities, to help fund better education for the masses. Rudrum Ramblings also sees the idea of free schools as a waste of money, and the idea of Grammar Schools as toxic and counterproductive, and will fully support investing money into existing schools only, and following the model which has been successful in London. At Primary School and lower High School level, Rudrum Ramblings will, minus the teaching of Basic Maths, English, Science and IT skills, allow teachers more freedom to teach more freely, sticking less to a curriculum and more on the idea of learning rather than just being able to pass tests. Rudrum Ramblings will also encourage more mixed ability classes, as those were the ones which helped myself out the most when I was at school.

Government and Politics will also become a mandatory subject to be taught at Secondary School, as it is shocking how many people of my generation have no understanding of politics or the political system.

Finally Rudrum Ramblings will give teachers a 5% raise in salary and promise to allow wages to increase at the same speed as inflation.

We also have a problem of a lack of manual skills such as mechanics in the UK for example, so a Rudrum Ramblings government will increase the apprenticeship levy and launch a 3 year long recruitment campaign to encourage more young people to get qualifications and apprenticeships in motor trade jobs, as well as other jobs we are short staffed with such as the NHS.

Constitution

Away from the EU, which was covered earlier, there are three important constitutional issues which Rudrum Ramblings would address.

Firstly, it is clear through all the talk of tactical voting, the fact that in 2015 the Party with 36% of votes got a majority and in 2010 a party with 23% of the votes only got 8% of seats, that first past the post is no longer fit for purpose. However I also understand that true proportional representation has in European countries such as Italy has created unstable, multi-party coalitions, and there is a fear it can cause instability. To add, this system also loses the positive note of local representatives in government. Therefore on the voting system there needs to be a compromise. Luckily this voting system already exists in Germany, where every voter gets two votes, one for a constituency, which works like our current system, and one for a political party, which works proportionately. Those votes are then split 50/50 to create the composition of parliament. This makes voting more proportional but is also likely only to create two party coalitions, which has worked in the past in the UK.

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(Photo: Daily Express)

The Second issue of the House of Lords, which Rudrum Ramblings would make half democratic through proportional representation but keep the appointed side, which will actually be 80%  elected through specialist expert organisations through industry, science and health for example, and 20% party peers.

The third issue is the Scotland issue. Rudrum Ramblings would follow Gordon Browns suggestion of a fully federal system of Scotland, and revamp local government across the UK to create a fully federal system, to allow flexibility in policy to suit the needs of individual areas. If the UK is able to stay in the single market, Rudrum Ramblings would deny Scotland a 2nd referendum, but if we fail to do that, because of the promises made in the last referendum , it would only be politically right to let them have a second one.

Transport

As mentioned earlier, I 100% agree with Labour’s policy of renationalising the trains and the approach of simply waiting for contracts to run out is also a good efficient way to renationalise as it gives time for governments focus on each railway area at a time and therefore give the proper time and investment to each line. However, having been a passenger on Southern Rail, where my supposed 30 minute journey from London to Woking and return was actually 45 Minute and 1 hour 30 minutes respectively, would buy the franchise straight away, simply because of the level of disaster it currently is. Sticking with Public Transport, Rudrum Ramblings endorses councils to run half of its bus services, like my university city of Nottingham currently does. The bus services are efficient, frequent and cheep – I could get from Nottingham to Derby as a student for a single £1 in 45 minutes. I would also reinvest the money saved from the revoking of some bus passes to subsidise village routes and students. Furthermore, in appreciation that Boris Bikes are an excellent idea, I would also encourage the system to be rolled out in all major cities.

Rudrum Ramblings will also support a third runway at Heathrow and the completion of HS2.

In terms of the Motor Industry, I would reinstate the subsidies on green energy cars. I will also add further tax on Diesel cars and would also demand Formula E back into London, to encourage the evolution of Electric Cars to suit both environmentalists and petrolheads alike.

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Supporting Sport which encourages the future of sustainable energy is vital to the transport sector.

Other

Rudrum Ramblings will allow the decriminalisation of prostitution and would also support the lowering of the voting age to 16, even if not enough young people vote as it is.

We will back a ban on fracking and will also support an abolishment of safe space zones, a phenomenon which stifles freedom of speech and debate at university. We would also follow Norman Lamb’s suggested reforms for mental health.

Finally, we shall cut funding to the royal family, as quite frankly, the royal family have more than enough money of their own to be funded by the state as the world’s richest benefits family.

Brexit: Forget Post-Truth, we are now witnessing the Politics of Self-Delusion

Last year, following the EU Referendum (and the American 2016 Presidential Election), many outlets said we were living in the period of Post-Truth. This was a very generous way of saying that claiming that leaving the EU would save £350 Million a week for example, were utter nonsense. However, I think the term Post-Truth AKA blatant lying, is still far too generous to what is actually going on as we embark on Brexit. Instead, we now live in the world where the victors of the last democratic results in Britain are now in a world of Self-Delusion.

I say this because firstly Post-Truth has been a thing for a long while now. In the TV Show last year which covered the trial of OJ Simpson, Johnnie Cochran (played brilliantly by Courtney B. Vance) said that winning a criminal case wasn’t about presenting facts, but presenting a better story than the opposition. This quote can sum up much of what politics has been for the last 40 years. The rise of Reagan and Thatcher in the late 1970s and early 1980s was caused by painting a convincing narrative which to an extent did correspond with some facts. This can be seen as also the reality to the rise of Blair and Cameron through their respective parties and to government.  Governments have used smoke and mirrors to distract opposition parties and the public to get parts of their agenda through, or simply sack experts who put forward information which contradicts their agenda, like Alan Johnson did to David Nutt for putting forward scientific evidence suggesting that Cannabis wasn’t quite as harmful as Alcohol, let alone ketamine. And then being a Liberal Democrat I don’t think I need to remind anybody of my age group about the fact broken promises are nothing new either. Therefore the idea of bending the truth or False-Truth or whatever you want to call it isn’t anything new.

This now leads on to Brexit, where we have so many contradicting noises coming from Conservatives, the Party that, if we like it or not, are in control of the Brexit negotiations. They are so all over the place, they probably would manage to put forward Nuclear Disarmament and the Death Penalty on the same page on their next manifesto. I, as many, was relieved when Theresa May was elected Conservative leader, as I thought there would be at least competent leading Britain through its most traumatic political event since the end of the 2nd World War, and that she at least addressed some of the social imbalances which led to people voting the way they did. However, Theresa has not manage to stop the reckless right of her Party running riot over Brexit. We have been forced further away from the EU than we originally wanted to.

Seeing May speak today, she came across like a Football Manager who had just took charge of a team in the relegation zone a few games before the end of a season, trying to get the crowd behind the team nervously. I actually feel quite sorry for her, she didn’t want Brexit, and she certainly didn’t want the likes of Liam Fox and David Davis in the position to dictate things, but if she had blocked their involvement in Brexit her reign would not have lasted long.

In the last couple of days, hard pro-Brexit MP’s have walked out of the select committee, complaining that the bipartisan report was “too negative”, and today have disregarded any dangers about leaving the EU. Before that, they humiliated Phillip Hammond in his budget on purpose, simply because he warned caution towards Brexit within the cabinet. This isn’t the politics of a smart Conservatism or even “Post-Truth” politics; this is the politics of delusion. As well as being a great name for a heavy rock album, the politics of delusion is perfect analogy to describe the approach of the hardliners in the EU negotiators. They seem to think that after effectively giving a massive middle finger to the EU, we can somehow leave all its institutions and somehow get a sweetheart deal; and thinks that anyone who says otherwise is an unpatriotic snowflake (or something like that). Even the most ardent Brexit supporters should surely be realistic and know that these two years will come with major challenges that will take strong government decisions and negotiations to get round?

Self-Delusion politics in the UK does not just stop with the reckless right of the Tories. The supporters or Corbyn still believe he can win an election, and numerous Labour MP’s have to repeat it to not be called “Blairite” or “Tory” until they give up the will to live. It is beyond me that some people still believe that Corbyn has any chance of improving the performances at the ballot box for Labour. I worked out he wasn’t good enough just by watching David Cameron (remember him) walk all over him each week at PMQs. With how incompetent this government has been since 2015, they must count their lucky stars that is main opposition is seemingly from Scotland or a Party which has 9 MPs. And to top off the politics of Self-Delusion in British Politics, following the Stoke By-Election, a UKIP activist claimed that his party will be a majority government in 2020.

 

I want whatever these people are drinking when they wake up.

How Brexit has made the Liberal Democrats relevant again

Immediately after the 2015 General Election, the Liberal Democrats looked like a spent force. They had lost a clear identity or clear message apart from being somewhere in an already crowded centre ground. They had also lost credibility after the broken promise on tuition fees, and most significantly, had lost the youthful, leftist support that the party enjoyed during the New Labour governments, and with it, its purpose, relevance and power base. Even in 2016, things didn’t look rosy, as Tim Farron’s vision of rooting his party in the centre-ground was hardly inspiring people to back his party or to take its threat remotely seriously.

However, since the Brexit vote, The Liberal Democrats have regained their voice, and have been winning back support. Membership has gone up to past the 80,000 mark (being under 60,000 at the beginning of 2016), their support share in the polls has increased from being around 7 points to 12 -14 in average polling, and most importantly, they are simply winning more votes. In local elections, the Lib Dems have taken back some of the councils they lost in the coalition governments. In the Richmond Park (which they won) and Witney by-elections, the Lib Dems picked up more than 20% of the total vote share compared to their vote share in the general election. Even in the highly pro-Brexit Sleaford, the Lib Dems gained 5% more of the total vote share than they achieved in 2015.

I have been a member of the Lib Dems since 2015, and to be honest up until October I was almost embarrassed to admit it. I joined in the belief that Liz Kendall would win the Labour Leadership Election (lol), and also for a personal admiration for Norman Lamb, the North Norfolk MP known for his important work and understanding on mental health issues, who was running for leader. After the election of Tim Farron, I decided to stay in the party due to my doubts of Corbyn. But recently, as being a Lib Dem has became seemingly a respectable political position again, I have became more confident in my support of the party.

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Trivia: Dappy from N Dubz backed Norman Lamb for Lib Dem leader, DAPPY (Photo: ITV)

On my social media feeds I have seen some people who were a year ago Corbynistas, or at least hardcore Labour voters, show their intentions to join the Lib Dems in recent weeks. One example of this is Courtney, a 21 year old Music Technology student. Courtney joined the Labour Party in 2015, but on Thursday told me that he was handing his membership card in to join the Lib Dems. “Well it’s been born completely out of a frustration with Corbyn, and the Labour party in general not acting like a strong opposition to a pretty ruthless Tory cabinet.” when asked about if the issue of Brexit and Europe has led to him making such a decision Courtney did confirm this was the case. “Definitely, seeing Corbyn ordering for Labour MPs vote for article 50 was pretty gutting and being pro-EU definitely helps push me in the direction of Lib Dems now.”

With Labour having absolute no clue on its position, and the Conservatives and UKIP treating anyone who still would like to remain in the EU as 2nd class citizens who for some reason don’t deserve an opinion, the Liberal Democrats are the only party representing those left behind following the referendum last year. The Lib Dems have always been the most pro-EU party, and their unapologetic pro-EU position has given the party a sense of purpose and relevance again. The rise of authoritarianism around the Western World has also helped the sense of purpose the Lib Dems currently have, as it puts their opposition to Brexit in a wider framework of protecting Liberal values.

Of course, not backing Brexit is a short term electoral strategy for the party, one which is designed to give the party voice again at the same time as staying consistent to Liberal values. The long term strategy must be to consolidate the rise of support by defending Liberal values. With authoritarianism on the rise, the need for a Liberal party is more important than it has been in over 50 years. The events of the last 12 months has made liberals like myself doubt the previous consensus that Liberalism had won the battle of ideas, now it is time to win that fight again. Furthermore, with the innovative and progressive mental health and drug policy ideas within the policy agenda (both spearheaded by Lamb), the Lib Dems are not just a one issue party, but a real alternative to Conservative England while Labour are busy fighting among each other.

In more Authoritarian countries, you find greater inequality, poverty, human rights abuses than Liberal countries, this is a message the Liberal Democrats, and indeed for that matter, Labour, have to carry over, to offer a real opposition to the dire situation the country is heading towards.

Brexit: The First 500 Days

As you may have heard, the British Public are due to vote on our membership of the European Union (EU) on June the 23rd. When this campaign began, I, like many, was convinced that there was only one possible result from this referendum, that being a vote to stay in. However, as the campaign has gone on, this certainty has turned into real genuine worry (or excitement depending on which way inclined you are) that Britain could actually leave the EU. Partly due to the weakness of Jeremy Corbyn’s stance on the issue weakening the Labour campaign, the scaremongering of David Cameron and the “In” Conservatives, and the general ineptness of the Liberal Democrats, the Remain campaign has failed to put forward what should have been the theoretically straight forward case why staying in would be better. Due to this weakness, and effectively battling the campaign on the Brexiters terms, it is looking more and more likely that Britain will vote Brexit. On this subject, what could a Brexit vote mean? Well here is a random but perfectly plausible prediction of what could happen in the first 500 days after the referendum vote.

 

Day 1: Britain announces the result on June 24th that its people have voted to leave the EU. The back pages are full on Nigel Farage swinging a pint claiming an ultimate victory. While the atmosphere in much metropolitan areas are somber, street parties are thrown in rural towns and villages. In the Conservative party some Brexit backing MP’s immediately call for Cameron’s resignation, which his office reject. As the day goes on the result will shake markets around Europe, the Pound drops in value dramatically, while the value of the Euro also falls.

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Do you really want this image in front of every newspaper (Photo: The Telegraph)

Day 2: The Labour camp immediately blame Jeremy Corbyn for their voters not turning out enough to vote to “Remain”, as both 1950s headmaster lookalike Hilary Benn and Chuka Umunna launch leadership challenges towards Corbyn. With tighter voting restrictions and a damaged reputation, Corbyn limps to a narrow election victory over Umunna, albeit only on second preference ballets, leading his position of power within the Labour Party to have been shrunk and for him having to concede some policies to the old Blairites such as trident and the eradication of austerity, while John McDonnell loses his chancellorship to Umunna and other close Corbyn allies being replaced by Liz Kendell and Dan Jarvis.

Day 3: As it is confirmed that the English vote had taken Britain out of the EU while the Scottish vote on its own would have wanted to stay in on the EU, Nicola Sturgeon announces the intention for ANOTHER referendum on Scottish Independence, and sends Alex Salmond to the EU commission to negotiate the Scottish terms of entry to the EU if a referendum on independence is successful. Cameron outright rejects this, leading to protests throughout Scotland, by the end of the first week, 400,000 Scots sign a petition to issue a new referendum.

Day 5: As the aftershocks of Brexit continue to lead to early economic turmoil, Cameron announces that his puppet master George Osborne is preparing an emergency budget to deal with the early financial strain that Brexit had caused. Labour reiterate straight away that they will absolutely reject a budget of further austerity, making Osborne have to delay his budget by a week to rethink what will be done.

Day 11: The EU commission succumb to pressure from the aftermath of Brexit to allow European Parliament to start suggesting laws, promising a more “democratic future”.

Day 20: Osborne announces a budget attempting to pander to Labour-realising that many of the Brexiters inside his own party would reject a pro-remain budget whatever. This budget includes a U-turn on taking certain people out of inheritance tax, the creation of a progressive Mansion Tax and the rise of the highest rate of tax to 45P. However this budget also includes the abolishment of  free bus passes, disabled benefit cuts and another attempt to abolish tax credits. This leads to satisfying nobody and parliament rejects this budget unanimously.

Day 23: George Osborne Resigns, but also in the news is a murder of two Polish immigrants, with the sign “Go back to Europe” nailed to them. This leads to mass protests throughout the country and rising tension between communities. The week ends with Nigel Farage’s house being egged and ten of Europe’s leaders condemning the rhetoric used by the “Out” campaign in the referendum.

Day 30: As Cameron has to announce that Britain has slipped into a recession as markets continue to be volatile, he attempts to instate ally and professional egg lookalike Sajid Javid as the new chancellor, this choice is instantly rejected by half of the Conservative Party, partly because of Javid’s weakness in previous government jobs but mainly because another pro-EU Tory was placed in a position to negotiate the exit.

Day 36: Liam Fox MP calls for a vote for no confidence in David Cameron and announces his intention to run against him in a leadership election. Fox turns out just to be a pawn for the former clown of London Boris Johnson, who announces his intention to run a day later. After realising he would lose the election, Cameron throws his weight behind Theresa May, the only real moderate in the race, sparking a bruising and bitter election fight.

Day 43: Local rural businesses sign a letter of complaint that they have found it harder to trade or make a profit in the last month, and blame the inaction from the government, caused by the leadership election and the rejection of Cameron’s course of action being rejected. The economy is now shrinking faster than at any point since before 2010.

Day 45: A poll for voting intention comes out showing that after the rise of violence against East European immigrants following the referendum and its newly found lack of purpose, UKIP had dropped behind the Lib Dems and on par with the Greens on 4 points, showing the first good result of the referendum.

Day 50: Boris Johnson is announced as the new Tory leader  and PM. Brings in Michael Gove as the Deputy PM and Iain Duncan-Smith as Chancellor.

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Day 60: Duncan-Smith’s first budget has the most emphasis on austerity than any other 21st century budget, announcing cuts in the NHS budget, benefits, tax credits and elderly bus passes among others. However, to follow the “Out” campaigns promise of £365 million a week savings for not being in the EU, the budget promises a £365 million investment in local businesses to subsidise the losses they were suffering (although ignoring that the money for it was actually being paid for by a planned sale of Lloyds Bank).

Day 63: Boris Johnson announces the implementation of his much loved Australian style immigration system, announcing its implementation will be only for those who can get jobs of at least £30,000 a year. Although every news outlet in the country (minus The Sun) manage to poke more holes in this policy than to the plot of The Dark Knight Rises, Boris celebrates it like the World Cup win, calling it “the biggest victory for Britainland since that Churchill fellow was about”.

Day 90: Johnson negotiates a trade deal with the EU without free movement, and celebrates it “as the biggest win since bongo Brazil land beat the frogs 7-1”. It sounds all well and good, until its revealed that on average goods from Europe, due to tariffs, will now be 15% more expensive, while goods sold to the EU would be 10% cheaper to buy for European industry.

Day 150: After a diminishing 150 days, the value of the pound finally stabilises, and the recession begins to ease. Despite the increase of unemployment by a million, Brexit advocates argue that it was all a big deal about nothing. Boris begins the start of a 3 week holiday in India, which he claims is an example of a trade mission which could be done outside the EU.

Day 180: Obama announces his intention not to meet Johnson while he is president. While Scottish government sign a separate, more favourable deal with the EU, with the view to accept them into the organisation if they can win a referendum of independence. This causes a constitutional crisis in the UK, as Gove demands that Sturgeon resigns over the controversy. An opinion poll is also released which also suggest that the Scots were this time in favour of independence.

Day 200: Football: and the loss of free movement hits the premier league, where Southampton fail to get a work permit for Italian striker Simone Zaza. Over the next two transfer window 30 transfers of European players to and from England are called off due to a lack of a work permit in the top two tiers, leading to the FA demanding the government to reconnect to European free movement for “sporting purposes”. Boris rejects this offer, even with ex PM David Cameron outrage over his favourite club West Brom United losing out on a new left-back.

Day 250: Scottish Government attempt to open up their immigration policy as the row between the Scottish and British government continue, now over a million Scots have signed the petition to have another referendum. The Labour Party accept that there is a mandate for a second referendum.

Day 288: The Johnson government finally allow the Scots to have a second referendum, to be scheduled for November 2017

Day 365: Unemployment finally stops falling and the economy begins to level out. However, the effects of higher prices, and austerity of the Boris Johnson led government and the dismantling of state services has led to people on average being £2,000 worse off.

Day 400: Although the economy is almost out of recession, another crisis has emerged. Johnson’s precious Australian Points style immigration system has led to a shortage of nurses, carers, and plumber and manual laborers arriving to help support the apparatus of the population. This becomes a particular problem for the NHS, who are suffering from massive shortages, with the average A&E  waiting times up to a record 4 hours.

Day 450: In light to the upset of citizens over high prices of goods, the Johnson government renegotiate its EU trade deal. However, in this trade deal, the free movement of people clause has returned. Boris realises that with the fall of the amount of arriving immigrants which had acted as the backbone of society, exacerbated by many fleeing Britain for their homelands over the worry of the UK economy, the violence against immigrants and feeling unwelcome, the reinstatement of a freedom of movement would actually be advantage. However this leaves Britain in a position where it is paying more money to the EU than before, following EU policy, without the say that it had previously within it.

Day 480: The world is rocked by a financial crisis-and after the financial shock caused by the original Brexit, Britain is ill prepared to deal with it, Barclays near collapse while many smaller banks, such as TSB, do. However, unlike in the Brown era, when much of the banking sector was brought under control of the government, Johnson and chums don’t, and fail to minimize the damage.

Day 497: The Johnson government ask the EU for a bailout plan to help deal with the financial crisis, which is rejected because Britain are no longer part of the EU, hindsight  shines on the whole of the British public.

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See Marshall from How I Met Your Mother? That will be Britain once Scotland (Girl from Heroes) leaves us for the EU (Russell Brand) (Photo: Universal Pictures)

Day 500: The Scots vote for independence, leaving the United Kingdom further crippled. In a separate vote on the same ballot, Scots vote to rejoin the EU, meaning Britain basically have broken up with its wife, developed a drinking problem, then found out its ex-wife had then got together with its brother.

 

Of course all of this is speculation, taking much of the fears I have like the lack of acknowledgement we need immigrants to keep the country running with an aging population, the fear of a staunch Tory government which would make David Cameron look like Karl Marx and the prospect of Scotland leaving the UK, BUT it is not out the question that at least one of these situations will happen. One thing is for sure, that in the short term the economy and people livelihoods would take a hit. I leave this was plea, don’t let any of this happen, and vote to remain in the European Union on June 23rd (or earlier if you have a postal vote).